V.G. is Getting a Makeover

I’ve decided to change the reading rhythm of V.G. and Me. Below are several lines from the earlier version, followed by the revised format. I believe the latter  is easier and more fun to read. What do you think?

With Love,

Russ

vg_me-2

Earlier Version:

I walked toward a distant shore

I always wanted to explore.

When I was nearly halfway there,

I had a really scary scare.

As I watched a butterfly

Flutter by in the sky,

I tripped into a prickly bush

With thorns so sharp, they hurt my tush!

New Version:

I walked toward

A distant shore

I always wanted

To explore.

When I was nearly

Halfway there,

I had a really

Scary scare.

As I watched

A butterfly

Flutter by

In the sky,

I fell into

A prickly bush

With thorns so sharp

They hurt my tush!

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About russtowne

My wife and I have been married since 1979. We have 3 adult children and 4 young grandsons. I manage a wealth management firm I founded in 2003. My Beloved is a Special Education teacher for Kindergartners and First Graders. I'm a published author of 23 books in a variety of genres for grownups and children. In addition to my family, friends, investing, and writing, my passions include reading, watching classic movies, experiencing waves crashing on rocky shores, hiking in ancient redwood forests, and enjoying our small redwood grove and fern garden.
This entry was posted in children's books, children's stories, Children's Stories Under Development, Picture Books/Bedtime/Read-to-Me, Rhyming, Self-Publishing Books, V.G. and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to V.G. is Getting a Makeover

  1. Honestly? I really felt like the original version was easier to read and flowed off my tongue better.

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